Ask Isadora : A Nice Guy

A Nice Guy

* Is there anything worse than being “a nice guy”? That’s like being told loud and clear that there’s nothing sexy about me. I’ve been told by too many women that I’m a nice guy and they want to be friends and some woman would be lucky to have me and yada yada, but I want a girlfriend. Do I have to be an S.O.B to get anywhere with women?
I have to tell you that many men who think they are nice guys aren’t. They are often whiny and covertly angry and manipulative but just because they don’t beat women or yell, they think they’re “nice”. But let’s suppose you are nice, and have none of those sneaky unattractive qualities. The fact is that a bad boy has a certain universal appeal and danger and mystery are considered sexy by many. I’d like to suggest you do some personal research Ask the women you know – friends, co-workers, relatives, any female with whom you can strike up a conversation –  what attracted them to the man they are with, or what attracts them in men in general. Watch what the most attractive man in any mixed gender group does to get women’s attention. What you’re likely to find is not abusive men at all, but confident, funny, flirtatious men. Are there any of the characteristics you see or hear about that you can adopt to your own style? Make this a science project of sorts. You will likely find something you can incorporate to make you more appealing to women. At the very least you will be part of some fascinating conversations.
* Are ears considered sex organs?
They can be, in both senses of the word. Many people are turned on by another’s person words or the sound of their voice, deep voices especially. Many people also are very sensitive in and around their ears and react positively to having their ears breathed on or kissed. This is not something particular to men or to women, but to individuals.
* My mother says that the underwear I have gives the wrong impression. I don’t get it. How many people are going to see my underwear? And who will it matter to?
Obviously it matters to your mother. It’s sending her some message about you and your behavior, Perhaps she finds it too sexually suggestive or indicates something about your personal care or cleanliness. You don’t say whether you are male or female or whether you are a fully grown adult, but clothing does make say a great deal about the individual starting from what is underneath and can be guessed at to what is out there for all to see and make judgments about.
* Do you have any opinion about this family bed thing, grownups and kids sharing a bed at night?
Oh, my dear, I have opinions about everything. That’s why I’m a columnist, and an advice columnist at that. Many of my opinions are informed by professional experience and expertise. Others are just personal prejudice, like what your under clothes tell me about you. I always try to make clear which is which. My feelings about parents and children sharing a bed except under very rare circumstances are both professional and personal. I don’t recommend it.