Ask Isadora: A Small Minority

A Small Minority
* I am 24 years old. I am a college graduate and hold down a good job. I have my own apartment and a few good friends with whom I have an adequate social life. I’m not sure if I have a problem or not, but the fact is I have never been attracted to anyone, male or female, in a romantic or sexual way. Is there something wrong with me? Is it possible I am just what’s called a late bloomer?
It is possible that you’re a late bloomer. It’s possible that you haven’t met anyone who lights your fire. It’s also possible that you are among the small minority of people who are asexual, without sexual desire. You are aware that by your age and well before most men and women know where their attractions lie – toward males or females or both – even if they have never had a real life partner. Those who call themselves asexual can have a satisfying life with caring friends and family, even live as a couple with someone important to them, but their feelings and expectations are far different than the majority. To read more about those who feel as you apparently do look into the Asexual Visibility and Education Network, AVEN, at
* My 6 year old son has asked to have a play date with another little boy at school. I am pleased that he has a friend. My concern is that this youngster lives in a household of two male parents and my son may find this odd. What do I tell him if he asks why Jared doesn’t have a mommy?
You tell him the truth – that families come in all varieties and that Jared’s is one with two daddies. The fact is less than 50% of American families are made up of the traditional arrangement of a married man and woman and their biological children. There are blended families, childless or single parent families, multi- generational ones, and same sex couples with children. Your child is sure to encounter others whose makeup differs from your own. Acknowledge that with no more commentary than you would show at another household’s differing decorating, food tastes or worship practices.
* Would you consider it cheating if your partner carried on a conversation with someone online? What if they exchanged photos? Am I bring controlling when I object? My partner says I am.
* Jealousy is far more often the result of one person’s insecurities than it is about the other’s actions.   Every couple needs to have a clear agreement about what behavior creates discomfort for each of them. Whether it “should” is far outweighed by whether it does. Some people enjoy their partner’s friendships or flirtations, deciding that the fact that other people find their mate attractive is a compliment to both. Others would find the same interactions threatening or disrespectful. Some happy balance needs to be negotiated between one person’s freedoms and his or her partner’s sense of security. If you and your partner have not had such a discussion and reached some agreement, it’s time to do so.
* Is having sex on the second date too soon?
 You and the other person involved decide between you. Who else would get a vote? It’s your life, your decision. That’s one of the joys of being a grown-up