Ask Isadora: Sleeping Alone

 Sleeping Alone

* I have been having a lot of sleep problems lately and I am consulting a doctor about them.  I’m willing to try medications if recommended but to me the most obvious solution that would be least intrusive and expensive would be to sleep alone.  I want to sleep in what is now our guest room but my husband is very much against it.  He says he wouldn’t have gotten married if he wanted to sleep alone.  How can I get him to see the importance of a good night’s sleep for me?

For him a good night’s sleep might very well consist of being wrapped in the arms of his beloved or waking to the feel, sound or smells of a dear one beside him.  Just because you might have a medical reason for your argument doesn’t mean you are free to ignore his needs.  Try to problem solve this together, looking for something that would work for both of you.  Would a larger bed do it?  Perhaps twin beds together on a king size frame?  What if you went to bed together but then went to your own bed later or joined him from your bed early in the morning?  I’m sure the two of you can come up with something so that it does not feel like one wins and the other loses in this, but that each of you is a loving and considerate spouse who wants what is best for the other as well as his or her own way.

* I found a vibrator at my boyfriend’s house.  I have my strong suspicions but he says it’s his.  Is that possible?

Of course it’s possible.  Pressure and vibrations feel good on many body parts, not only the clitoris.  He could be using it for sexual stimulation anywhere it feels good to him but he could also use it on muscle cramps. You might ask him to show you how he uses it on himself, try it on yourself, and both of you can broaden your pleasure repertoire.

*Can you explain what transgender means?  How can a preadolescent child be considered transgendered?

Broadly, the term means being at odds with the apparent sex of your body.  Used loosely, it can refer to those who like to dress in a way associated with the other sex or those who surgically alter their bodies to conform to their idea of themselves and anything in between.  I remember a transgender woman friend of mine telling me about her first day in nursery school.  The boys and girls were told to line up separately and he, a little boy at that time, went to line up with the girls since that’s where he felt strongly that  he belonged.  Nothing in his life convinced him otherwise – not his bar mitzvah, not his time as a soldier, not marrying a woman nor fathering a child.  Eventually, in his 30’s, he decided to act on his conviction and began the painful long and expensive journey of sexual reassignment. So, to answer your question about a transgendered child, my friend was one.  Nowadays, more enlightened thought allows some children to express these feelings earlier in their life and some schools and parents encourage such a child to present to the world as the gender of choice well before puberty. Hormonally. It is easier to make a sexual reassignment before puberty than afterward.