Ask Isadora : Faulty Teaching

 Faulty Teaching
* Why is it wrong for young adults to watch pornography? Where else are they going to learn the facts of sex?
And do you advocate learning the facts of relationships from Hollywood movies too? The facts are that both commercial porn and commercial entertainment are fantasies and not reality. If a person takes what’s depicted on the screen as true and sets his or her expectation accordingly he or she is in for some really rude awakening. Porn for entertainment teaches us that all men are built like stallions and that all women have large perky breasts that point to the sky even when they are lying down, and that’s only for starters. There are all sorts of obligatory scenes in most pornography that are by no means obligatory, or even desirable,  in every real life sexual interaction. There are excellent sexual education videos, labeled educational as opposed to entertainment; that are true to life rather than popular myths. There are sex education books with photographs, again ones stating that they are educational material. And there are many web sites sponsored by health organizations like Planned Parenthood and SIECUS (the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the US). The facts of sex are out there for those who want to learn. Just be sure of your sources before you accept what you see and hear as truth.
* Since marriage, I have had a problem to penetrate into my wife’s vagina. I masturbate normally and have no issues otherwise, but when I plan to penetrate my penis slows down and does not remain firm. Can you please suggest any quick solution? It’s become a question of pride for me as well as lot of social pressures to have a child.
There is also the question of your wife’s satisfaction, a matter of greater importance in your marriage than social pressure, don’t you think? A quick solution isn’t always the best one. When I first started as a sex educator many years ago I used to sigh and say “There is no magic pill” but now, for many men, there is. Speak to a doctor about prescribing Viagra, Levitra or Cialis. If there is no medical reason for you not to take it and if, big if, it works for you (it doesn’t for everyone) there is your quick solution. However, something else is going on for a man who can function just fine by himself but is unable to with a partner. Whatever that is – fear, performance pressure, a relationship issue – really should be addressed with a sex therapist.
* Sometimes I cry when I climax.  I think I am happy in my relationship. I don’t think the times I cry have anything to do with the moodiness before my period. I just can’t figure it out. Sometimes there are tears and sometimes not. What’s going on?
It’s just your body doing its thing; nothing to worry about. I hope you understand that tears can be of joy or relief as well as pain and sadness. Tears express all sorts of emotion. Have you ever heard of someone saying they feel better after “a good cry”? Both an orgasm and tears, at their most basic, are a release of body tension. That’s what’s going on here. Accept your tears as part of a moving experience.  However,  I think it would be a good idea to  assure your partner that you are not crying out of disappointment with the proceedings!