Ask Isadora: Wigs Down There?

 Wigs Down There?

 *I’m a woman who has lost a lot of my pubic hair. I’m embarrassed to be seen at my health club and certainly in front of a new lover. Is there anything I can do about it?

There used to be wiglets made for pubic areas known as merkins but not in the last few centuries that I know of.  (I used to giggle whenever I heard a former president address us all as “My fellow Merkins”.) Lots of women and some men go in for all sorts of pubic pruning  from just snipping scraggly ends to completely shaving for a bald presentation.  Just pretend you’re into topiary trims should anyone ask but how much pubic hair someone else is sporting is really not a big deal for most people, honest.

* Can having diabetes cause erection disorders? What physical problems can also cause this?

Yes, diabetes often does. It can also cause arousal, lubrication and orgasmic problems in women. There are many medical issues that affect sexual functioning in both sexes.  Just a few of the other common possibilities are high cholesterol, high blood pressure, endometriosis, heart disease, spinal cord injuries.  Also, many medications used to treat these conditions and others which may not directly affect sexual functioning can themselves interfere with normal sexual functions.

* I’ve been married several times.  Monogamy just doesn’t work for me or I just can’t work it; something like that. Is there such a thing as a nonexclusive relationship that works for the people in it?

Yes.  An open relationship is not an option that our society often supports, but it works for those who are determined to make it work.  It requires honesty and clear communication and the ability to handle jealousy when it arises, as it usually does.  I did research for my master’s thesis years ago on the agreements people make about sex outside their relationship.  You can read more about it in the Library of my web site at

* I was wondering at what age should you stop being a virgin?

There’s no “should” about it.  Surprising as it may seem, some people live out their entire lives without a sexual partner.  Some are religious celibates, some are simply loners by nature.  In the U.S. the average age of losing one’s virginity is roughly 17 years old.  Like any average, there are those who are far above and those who are far below the norm.  All are within a range of normal.

* My companion of several years has a problem sustaining and erection.  Is there any natural herbs for him to take to help this?  Also I have a problem opening up to accept him.  Is there anything out there I can take?

Since even natural herbs can be deadly, alone or in combination with other substances, the best person to advise him would be an herbalist or naturopathic physician. As for opening to accept him, I am assuming you mean physically rather than emotionally?  In which case I advise lots of prolonged lovemaking and plenty of added lubricant before trying to penetrate.  In other words, more communication, more lubrication.

*You’ve been writing your column for many years.  What was the oddest or funniest question you ever received.

Since 1984, the oddest question was from someone who saved his poop, wrapped it in aluminum foil, put a label with the date on it, and stored it in the freezer. (No, I have no idea why.) The funniest was the question “Do beautiful women fart?” (My response: “Yes, we do”).