Ask Isadora: Who Looks?

Who Looks?

*I am a heterosexual man, 37, not married, but dating.  I go to a gym to work out several times a week.  I check out the other men in the locker room.  I think this is natural but could I be kidding myself ?

I agree that it is perfectly natural to check out other people’s naked  or almost naked bodies.  Bodies are fascinating and they come in all sorts of sizes and shapes.  When it’s your own sex you are checking out, it’s only natural to compare your body to others’.  If, when looking at anther man, you would like to DO something to his body or have him do something to yours that is sexual interest.  You can still consider yourself  a heterosexual man.  We all have fantasies of all sorts.  If you feel motivated to act on those fantasies, or even if they become more frequent, I would consider you bisexual but you call yourself anything  you like.

* Okay, my partner and I are ready to try anal sex.  What do we need to know?

The most basic: if it hurts, stop, and anything that goes into the anus must be thoroughly washed before inserting  anywhere else.  There are some excellent books and videos that address all you could ever want to know: Jack Morin’s “Anal Pleasure and Health” and Tristan. Taormino’s “Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex For Women”. Since the anus does not provide its own natural lubricant and a lubricated condom is not enough there are many lubricants made  especially  for anal sex.  Some of them have quirky names like Sassy Booty Formula and Adam & Eve.  Some, like the Anal-Eze products, even come in flavors.  Just remember that to take things slowly – more communication, more lubrication.

* I’m taking a sex ed class in community college and  the teacher said something about a factory period that I didn’t understand.  Is that the right term?  What does it mean?

The refractory period is the time after ejaculation  when a man is physically unable to achieve another erection. Depending on his age or health this can be a period of several minutes to several hours or days.   I always refer to that part of the sexual response cycle as Oh No. The complete cycle is Ho Hum, Oh?, Oh Yes, Wow, Aaah, and Oh No!

* I would like to give my boyfriend oral sex but I have a tricky gag reflex and am afraid I would throw up.  That would be a mood killer, wouldn’t it?  Is there some trick to it?  How to others who do it manage?

There are lots of tricks to giving good head, but the most important one for you is to be able to control the depth that goes into your mouth.  First, ask your boyfriend to just lie down and relax while you give him pleasure.  If he is in that position he is unlikely to thrust toward your face when he’s excited.  If he does, just place your hands on his hips to stop his movement.  Remember, you are in control.  Another trick is to place one hand at the base of his penis, closest to his body.  In that way, you won’t take into your mouth any more than you can handle without gagging.  If you allow your hand to become wet with saliva and move it in synch with your mouth, your slippery hand will feel like your wet mouth and, as the kids say “It’s all good.”