Ask Isadora: Sleeping Beauty

 Sleeping Beauty

* I’m a sexually liberated woman, but my husband comes from a culture where things are a little .different, I guess.  He seems overwhelmed any time I try to initiate sex, or even hint that I’m interested in sex. In fact, he is most turned on when he thinks I am sleeping.  Over time, these habits have gotten even worse. Is there any way I can fix any of this?  I somewhat feel he may just be selfish or passive aggressive and am really considering just cutting him off from sex entirely.

And that wouldn’t be passive aggressive? TALK to each other.  Tell him what you have noticed and ask him in what way he would prefer you let him know when you’re interested.  What does he feel when you make the first moves?  Can he tell you why he prefers a sleeping partner  to one who fully participates?  There can be no solution here unless it is arrived at mutually.

*  My partner has recently returned from the military.  Naturally we made love when he came home and now, a few weeks later, I have some itchy bumps down there.  I have an appointment with my doctor but if, like I think it is, it turns out to be herpes, isn’t  that proof he cheated on me?  I never had it before he was deployed and I haven’t been with anyone else.

The herpes virus can stay in a person’s system, quietly lurking, until a stressful time in life provokes an outbreak.  A homecoming from war can certainly be stressful.  It doesn’t have to be bad stress. This means that you may have had herpes for some time or he may have.  It does not mean he recently cheated.  If it does turn out to be herpes you can both be tested as to the exact strains each of you has.  Symptoms can be treated  but you must always use condoms if either of you has sex with someone else even if he never has had an outbreak or if you never have another one.  Once in your system herpes is always contagious.

* Do some women like their boyfriends and husbands to trim their pubic hair or shave it off completely?  This guy at the gym has no pubic  hair and it looks weird.  He says his girlfriend shaved him.  Is he putting me on?  Could he be gay?

He could be, but you certainly can’t tell by the presence or absence of pubic hair. Some men like it shorter and so do some women.  Some really enjoy the feel of smooth skin there as do their partners.  It’s a matter of preference and has nothing to do with men or women, gay or straight.

* How do you tell someone you’re intimate with that their bad breath is a real turnoff?

If it’s a one time thing you can offer a mint or gum and say “Did you have garlic for lunch?” Sure, both of you might be embarrassed, but it’s better than turning your head away all the time. If it’s chronic it really could be a health problem and you are doing a kindness to bring it to his or her awareness by saying something like “I  have noticed an odd smell to your mouth recently.  I really do think you should have it checked out.”

Notice to my readers:  My new novel Bluebirds of Impossible Paradises: A Sexual Odyssey of the 70’s is just out as a Kindle eBooks on  No Kindle? It can be downloaded to any recent model PC.