Ask Isadora: Is It Catching?

Is It Catching?

*The new man in my life tells me that he had penile cancer some time ago, that it was treated, and now he’s fine.  We have not yet been intimate so I have no idea whether his penis will be disfigured in some way.  Will it?  And, this may be a dumb  question, but could I catch anything from him?

You might catch all sorts of things from unprotected sex, but cancer is not one of them.  Cancer is not a transmissible disease.  If you insist on condoms, which you should in any case, you won’t even be able to tell whether his penis is in any way affected visibly by his treatments.

*  I am not a young virgin girl.  I have been sexually active for more than 20 years but I’m still not sure if I have ever had an orgasm.  How can I know for sure?

Have you ever tried to stop a sneeze by pinching your nose closed or holding a finger underneath?  You get a tickle, the Ah Ah Ah part, but no CHOO!  When you sneeze with no interference, there is the Ah Ah Ah part, the buildup of tension, the catching of your breath and then the shuddering release, sometimes with a loud  explosion, sometimes with a small spasm, but a definite sense of buildup and then release. That’s what an orgasm is. Sometimes there’s one huge spasm of relief, sometimes a few small ones like a series of little sneezes.  Sometimes it can be felt as localized in the genitals, sometimes as a full body spasm.  The common feeling of both sneezes and orgasms is the tension buildup and then the letting go.  Some people cry out during orgasm or there can be tears or shudders of “after shock”.  Some people are sleepy afterwards and some are energized.  There is no one way an orgasm occurs to everyone, not even to all women.  If, after sex, you feel satisfied, loose, relaxed, you probably have had an orgasm.  If not, not.

*I am a guy who never wanted to be a player.  I wouldn’t want to disappoint or mislead any woman any more than I would want a woman to do that to me.  What happens if I go out with a woman a few times, have sex, and then realize there’s no real relationship possibilities with her?  Am I stuck because we’ve had sex?  Is there any way to get out of the relationship with no hurt feelings?

I wouldn’t count on it.  You have several possibilities in the future.  One is not to have sex until you’re sure this could be a meaningful relationship.  The other is to be clear before you have sex that you are both exploring the possibilities here, not making a commitment.  While many women see being sexual as a commitment, there are many who do not.  Be clear about your intentions and expectations beforehand so you are less likely to get into the predicament you now find yourself.  At this point, all you can do is tell the women all the things you do like about her and honestly say you see no possibilities for the future.  Apologize for having misled her, if she feels you have done so, and then get out of Dodge.  Please, no “Can’t we be friends?” unless you sincerely would like her friendship.  If you do, make sure she knows what is being offered and what is not.