Ask Isadora: Thank you, I Think

Thank you, I Think

* My boyfriend keeps giving me sexy gifts like nighties and thong panties.  Not only are they inappropriate for me to open in front of others they are just not me.  I would never wear anything like the stuff he gives me.  What should I say to him?  Should I just say Thank you and put them away?

It’s best to deliver difficult communication when you are close enough to lay a comforting hand on his arm or thigh.  Tell him that you appreciate whatever you do – that he buys you such lavish gifts or that he thinks of you as a sexy woman, whatever is true.  Then say what you have to say – that’s he embarrasses you or that you do not think the gifts are appropriate.  And here’s the next part which will open better communications: ask him what he’s telling you when he buys you sexy underwear.  Does he want you to look different just for him?  Act differently?  I suspect these presents are his way of communicating something.  Ask him to tell you in words and then discuss it.

*Someone I know, a married woman with children, has just left her husband for another woman, another married woman with children.  I don’t understand what’s going on.  Didn’t these women know they were lesbians before they got married?

Perhaps not.  While many people say they knew they were gay since they were small children, others come to that realization later in life or they knew it, but tried to bury it but no longer can.  Still others surprise themselves by falling in love.  Human sexuality is not a cut and dried  black and white thing for everyone “I am gay or I am straight or even I am bisexual.”  It is a shame that in the process of being true to oneself and figuring out what that is sometimes other people do get hurt.

*I am a middle-aged man in my late forties, divorced for six months now.  I have had a few chances to have sex with women but my organ just wouldn’t co-operate with me, if you know what I mean.  I’m not willing to risk being embarrassed again until I get this fixed.  Who can do that?

Sweetie, your penis is a part of you, not something like a flat tire that either can be patched  or replaced if it springs a leak. The cause could be physical, a circulation problem or undetected diabetes.  To find out whether that’s so the doctor to see is a urologist.  My guess, since you are so recently divorced, is nerves.  Perhaps you haven’t been with anyone but your ex-wife in a long time, if ever.  Performance anxiety is to be expected.  When you see your doctor, discuss with him or her a prescription for one of the Erectile Dysfunction drugs like Cialis or Levitra to fall back on the next time you try to be sexual with someone. A non-drug method of conquering performance anxiety with a new partner is to get to know her better before you attempt any physical intimacy.

* I am a jealous person who is really trying to get over it.  Any suggestions?

Yes, keep on trying! Jealousy stems from feelings of insecurity. The more positives you tell yourself, the better you feel about yourself, the less cause there is to feel jealous of others.  You are a grown-up with many good qualities, I’m sure.  List them and check that list out again when you feel insecure.  Soon you will know it by heart.