Ask Isadora: Spending the Night

 Spending the Night

 *  I am a single mother dating a guy for the past few months.  When and how is a good way to introduce him to my twin 7 year old girls?  What about sleepovers?

 Be sure the guy wants to meet your kids.  He may not ready for “family” involvements.   Take into account  how the children have responded to other friends of yours in the past.  Do they even care? Consider  planning something all could do that’s fun. “My friend Jon is taking me sailing.  Would you like to come too?”  Don’t make  the introduction a momentous event and don’t make it a do or die outcome if your girls are indifferent or unfriendly. As for sleep overs, I wouldn’t unless you are absolutely sure this man will be part of your life for a while.  You can arrange time to be together overnight when your children are with other family members or overnighting with friends.

Why do so many single moms feel they need to stow away their sexuality? Is there a way to balance both their sexual/relationship life with that of being a mom?

When women can’t deal with issues such as introductions and sleepovers they might feel it’s easiest to forget there whole dating thing until the children are older or out of the house.  Some mothers feel there is no way to combine all the required roles in their life and lover too. When something is crucial to your own well being the children will reap the benefits.  A woman has to keep reminding herself of that. Remember that on airplanes adults are urged to put on their own air masks before tending to the children.  Life is often like that too.

 * My wife says she doesn’t enjoy sex with me because I finish too fast.  Is there anything I can do about that?

I used to say “there is no magic pill” for early ejaculation but, in a way, there is.  Both common anti-depressants and erection drugs like Viagra and Levitra have the effect of delaying and, in some cases preventing, ejaculation.  If you already use either of these or your doctor decides they might be helpful  discuss the possibilities. Otherwise, there are a series of simple exercises you can do on your own or with your wife’s help to retrain yourself into lasting longer.  Like any other new physical skill (improving your tennis swing or riding a unicycle) it takes time and repetition to learn the new responses.  The steps to better control are outlined in many sexuality texts.  A good one is Michael Castleman ‘s Sexual Solutions  or you can Google Ejaculatory Control. I think you also need to remember that a good sexual encounter is not complete until both people are happy. It need not end when your erection does. If you finish before she does, use your hands or your mouth to make sure that your wife is satisfied.

*At what age does a woman enjoy sex most?  Does it depend on whether she has been through menopause?

It’s entirely a matter of the individual woman’s call  – how she feels about herself, her body, her partner, her life.  Some women say the best sex is in the later years, well after menopause.  If you keep in mind the adage “The best is yet to come” there’s actually no way for a woman to answer this one until she’s on her death bed. And one woman’s answer well be different than another’s.