Ask Isadora: Too Old?

 Too Old?

* I’m always trying to put a little zing into our marriage of almost twenty years.  Whenever I suggest something even a little bit sexy like getting massages or going to a hot tub place my husband’s response is something like “We’re too old for that stuff!” We’re in our fifties.  Is there some age when a person is too old to try something new and maybe even fun?

Of course not.  New experiences are exactly what keeps a person young. My response to your husband might be “What do you mean WE are too old, Grandpa?”  What he’s telling you when he says this is that he is feeling old, so a good medical checkup and some reading on how the body and the mind age ages might be in order.  It wouldn’t hurt to offer him some reassurances that you still find him desirable as a playmate and that you are not pressuring him to perform, only to come out and play.

* My girlfriend also wants to see me two or three nights a week and either Friday or Saturday night, not both.  She says we each have to have our own life and when I keep asking for more time together I am being too needy. Am I being too needy?

If she wanted to spend more time with you she would think you were an ideal boyfriend, loving and eager and interested.  Since her wants in this relationship and yours do not make a good match she decided to call you names. How much time two people want to spend together is one of those important items like sex and money and family that has to be negotiated between the people involved.  There is no one right way and neither of you is wrong here.  If you are not getting enough out of this relationship, if you want a deeper involvement than she does, it’s time to put it on the table, discuss it, and perhaps move on.

* When a woman says “This isn’t a good time” when you phone her and then doesn’t phone you back, what does that mean?

The possibilities are endless – she was on her way to the bathroom or something is burning on the stove or she hopes you will disappear and doesn’t know how to tell you.  Why speculate?  Call her back later and at some time, preferably face to face, ask her.

* I am turned on by watching my partner masturbate.  Is there anything wrong with that?

Not if your partner is aware that you’re watching and doesn’t mind. It is not all right to involve another person in your sex life (except for solitary fantasies) without his or her consent. If your partner doesn’t know and you are “peeping”, it’s not only invasive and dishonest, in some cases it is against the law.  If your partner enjoys showing off for you or doesn’t mind your presence, sharing masturbation can be a very intimate act. You might even learn some tips on how best to give pleasure. If what you’re asking is whether watching someone else being sexual is considered “normal” the answer is “Of course.” Watching others being sexual is the whole basis for the erotic film and video industry. In general, sex of any kind is…well, sexy.