Whether you’re talking about using paper or cloth napkins at the table, making a big deal about birthdays, serving certain foods at holidays, or sending greeting cards or not, most of us take for granted the habits and customs of our family. When being faced with another person’s customs it often is shocking and can … Continue reading My Way Is The Right Way, Isn’t It?
As you no doubt know, preference means favoring one thing, person, or activity over others; given a choice, this is what one would choose. For some reason it is often confused with orientation (whether one’s sex objects are women or men) when we speak of sexual matters. Many people, particularly those in a long term … Continue reading So You Think You Know Your Partner’s Sexual Preferences
Intimacy is not a synonym for sex. Intimacy can and often does lead to sex, but it’s not the same. Sex can also lead to intimacy, but not necessarily. Intimacy is that feeling that you are seen, known, and accepted by another person. It’s a lovely feeling. When couples come into my counseling office it’s … Continue reading Creating (or Renewing) Intimacy
Years ago I had a honey who, whenever I caressed him said, “That tickles.” Needless to say, that was not the response I hoped for when I reached for him at night. “I prefer a heavier touch,” he instructed me. I understood that, but what he called a heavier touch felt ham handed to me, … Continue reading How To Touch Him The Way He Likes
Every so often a couple comes in to see me for a Pre-marital Checkup. My thoughts are that after the engagement is announced and wedding plans are underway, this might be like locking the barn door after the horse is out and gone. Perhaps not. However, it’s never too early in a serious relationship to … Continue reading Are We Meant For Each Other? Is There A Way to Find Out?
Sometime ago when I was a teenager and making my life plan one of the important decisions I made was to live in such a way as to have as few regrets as possible. Every decision I made would be made with as much information as I could garner at that time. If I made … Continue reading Living With No Regrets
Intimacy. This word is often used as a synonym for sex. As most of us know, sex and intimacy aren’t the same. We are intimate with family members or dear friends, but that relationship isn’t sexual. Sex in a loveless marriage or out of duty lacks intimacy. What I will discuss here is that special … Continue reading Making Time for Intimacy
There are couples who have frequent highly emotional fights followed by passionate love making. One sees them in Italian, Spanish and Mexican movies. You know, “those hot blooded Latins”. These couples, however, are by no means the majority. What is far more common is that when one person is angry with her or his mate … Continue reading What Anger Does To Desire
What do you call yourself when you talk to yourself? Some people don’t think they do talk to themselves but everybody does. I call myself “Kiddo” although I haven’t been anything like a kid in far more than half a century. Somehow it sounds somewhat affectionate to me, and encouraging, exactly the tone I would … Continue reading Conversations With Yourself: Put-downs or Pats on the Back
What People Keep Asking Me About Sex and Relationships is the title of my newly published collection of essays*. It’s also a frequent question in itself : what do people ask you about when they write to you? What are young people/women/married folks etc. curious about? Usually they refer to all the mail I received … Continue reading What People Keep Asking Me About Sex and Relationships