THESIS  SUMMARY: Communication  Styles and Agreements About Sexual Behavior Outside the Coupled Relationship by  Isadora Alman, M.A. In  a small study I did in the early 1980s both partners of a small sampling of  self-defined happy couples individually answered a questionnaire on their  relationship history and on the content of any existing agreement,  implicit or  explicit, … Continue reading THESIS: On the Agreements Couples Make Regarding Sex Outside Their Relationship →

Flirting: The Oldest Form of Safe Sex By Isadora Alman Years ago the rules of courtship between men and women were unequivocal. Once properly introduced, if there was interest, he called (never she). After several calls, the couple might begin walking out together in public, an open announcement to all interested parties that they were … Continue reading Flirting →

10 Years of Sex…And An Open Relationship With Millions by Isadora Alman (on the occasion of 10 years of publishing Ask Isadora columns)  “Choices: the beauty and the bane of sex in 1985,” I wrote in my very first Bay Guardian column, Valentine’s Day issue of that year. “Whether to be celibate or active, single, coupled … Continue reading 10 Years of Sex…And An Open Relationship With Millions →

MEET WHAT’S HIS FACE by Isadora Alman Once upon a time an unmarried woman, if she was among the fortunate, had a beau, or even more fortunately, beaux. If she and a beau reached some sort of understanding, she had a fiancé. There was a good deal of gray area in being a beau, covering … Continue reading Meet What's-His-Face →

Top? Bottom? I’m A Middle by Isadora Alman Dominant and submissive erotic power play has become mainstream, commercially validated as sexy for consumers at large. The once underground coded language of fetish wear like black leather, chains, dog collars and stiletto heels appear in New York City Bloomingdales’ windows. Personal ads touting the services of … Continue reading Top? Bottom? I'm A Middle →

A Balanced Life: The Grownup’s 4-H Club by Isadora Alman “You can’t go out looking for love; it’s got to find you”. “When you’re really ready, it will happen.” “If you want it too much, you won’t get it.” All these, and more like them, have been moaned by people wanting a Relationship, with a … Continue reading A Balanced Life: The Grownup's 4-H Club →

Saying No Gracefully by Isadora Alman   Some time ago I mentioned to a man I knew socially that I would enjoy getting to know him better on a one to one basis. He led me over to a quiet corner of the room, took my hand in his, and looked into my eyes. “You … Continue reading Saying No Gracefully →

Mentioning The Unmentionable by Isadora Alman For most of us talking with a loved one about health issues presents no major problem, but sexual health issues seems to be another matter. While sexual behavior is an ingredient of healthy living, a habit of lifelong reticence about mentioning sex at all can make discussing sexual disease … Continue reading Having "That Talk" About Safe Sex Talk →

NEW (AND TRIED AND TRUE) WAYS TO MEET NEW PEOPLE Isadora Alman So Valentine’s Day has come and gone and you’re alone with your discounted heart-shaped box of drug store chocolates and fond memories of grade school when you were sure of getting at least a few little paper expressions of your desirability because Miss Rothermel … Continue reading New Way to Meet New People →

STRATEGIES FOR A NAUGHTY WEEKEND WITH YOUR VERY OWN WIFE by Isadora Alman 1. Yes, you may want the weekend to be a surprise but you will have to make sure her calendar is clear. If you’ve made reservations at the Hump & Thump Bed & Breakfast for the same weekend as her best friend’s … Continue reading A Naughty Weekend With Your Very Own Wife →