Ask Isadora: Tops, Bottoms, and Middles

Tops, Bottoms and Middles
* What’s the difference between S &M and B&D and how do tops and bottoms fit into all those initials?
The initials S & M stand for Sadism and Masochism named for the writers Marquis de Sade and Leopold von Sacher-Masoch respectively. Sadism means sexual gratification from inflicting of pain or, as those who play in that arena like to call it, “intense stimulation”. Masochism means the enjoyment of receiving those particular attentions. Under the broad umbrella of S & M comes B (bondage) and D (discipline), spanking, blindfolding,  the wearing of certain costumes like leather gear and other fetish garments, and role playing. Within those activities Tops are usually the active person and Bottoms, the passive. There are all sorts of sub-genres within these categories and those who want to condemn all S & M activities as perverse or dangerous actually enjoy many things than can be so classified. Love bites, anyone?
* How is it possible for a man to be a prostitute? Doesn’t a man have to be excited in order to have an erection?
There are all sorts of aids these days that can help create an erection. Those, and an active imagination, can handle most situations where an erection would be required. Intercourse is not the only or probably even the most important act for which a prostitute of either sex might be employed.
* My wife is redecorating our home with lots of big and expensive changes. One of the ones she wants to make is that she wants to turn our daughter’s room into “hers”. Our daughter is away at college and is not likely to live at home again so that’s not the problem. I’m wondering whether there is some message here that I’m supposed to get. Will she be sleeping in that room and not with me? Will she put a lock on the door and make it like a “No Boyz Allowed” club house? Do other married people have separate rooms?
I know a few married couples, happily married, who have separate dwellings, let alone rooms. If you want to know your wife’s intentions for that room and for your sleeping arrangements I’m afraid you will just have to actually bring the matter up and talk about it. A discussion. What a novel idea!
* I know it’s illegal, but you know lots of people use it anyway, so I want to know about marijuana and sex. I’ve heard some say that it makes sex better and some say that it totally ruins it. What’s the truth and is it different for woman then for men?
Like most things having to do with sex, the effects of marijuana differ far more from person to person, often from one time to another, than they do by gender. In the same way some people can get nauseated from smoking or eating it, others get the infamous munchies. Some feel general arousal and increased sensations of all sorts while others turn inward and get so lost in their own thoughts that they forget anyone else is around, let alone care about having sex with them. One effect of using marijuana that is pretty much across the board for women and men is that the body’s mucous membranes dry out. That will affect most women’s responsiveness and make intercourse uncomfortable unless additional lubricant is used. Of course, the other universal effect of marijuana is that if one is caught using it by a  law enforcer the penalty will be the same whether you are a woman or a man.