Ask Isadora: Just The Way You Like It

Just The Way You Like It

* I am a woman of 65 dating a man of 53 for the past several months. He wants more time, more togetherness, more commitment. He tells me he loves me. While I like him very much, I do not love him nor am I in love with him.  I have no desire to marry again or live with anyone and I have made that very clear from the beginning. He has accepted that. Still, he wants more from this relationship than I am willing to give. Should I end it?
Do you want nothing more to do with him? If that’s not the case, why end it? Instead, try to negotiate for what you do want and what’s essential to you. Ask him what’s essential to him. I’m sure there is a middle ground where the two of you can meet, each getting at least some of what you do want and less of what you don’t out of your relationship. One of the great advantages of love in the 21st century is that you don’t have to buy pre-packaged arrangements. There are friendship and loving partnerships of varying degrees of warmth and intimacy both emotional and sexual, “just dating”, open relationships, “engagements” that last years, and anything you agree to call whatever two people decide to share. Be creative, communicate, and see what’s possible between you.
* There is a lot of controversy among my friends who are expecting baby boys, whether to circumcise or not. I know it’s a very important decision and family of the expectant parents weigh in with a lot of emotion and opinions. What do you say?
It is a controversial topic and religious custom must be taken into consideration as well as social customs. No one wants his son to be the object of ridicule and many are persuaded to do one thing or the other because they want the son to look like Daddy. I find that a specious argument because no little boy’s genitals are going to look anything like a grown man’s in any case. In the U.S. about 79% of men are circumcised, while worldwide only about 30% are. Recent major studies from several African countries show circumcision substantially lowered men’s chances of catching the AIDS virus. Why this is so is not entirely clear. Researches think that cells in the foreskin of the penis may be more susceptible to HPV and the herpes virus as well as HIV. I am not advocating here, just reporting. Deciding to surgically remove a healthy piece of skin from an infant’s penis in order to prevent possible future complications does seem drastic. I’m glad I do not have to make this decision for any of my own dear ones.
* Is Plan B an effective form of birth control?
Plan B, also known as “the morning after pill”, is a contraceptive that reduces the chance of pregnancy if taken within three days of sexual intercourse. It prevents ovulation and/or interferes with the implantation of a fertilized egg. A recent court ruling allows it to be sold over the counter to women 17 years and older without a prescription. I would prefer to see young women rely on regular use of condoms or other birth control and STC prevention and use this for exactly what the name Plan B suggests, a back-up measure in cases of regular contraceptive (or human!) failure.