Ask Isadora #2-09 : Hope Springs Eternal

* My email has at least ten messages a day, sometimes more, about products that will lengthen or widen or thicken or grow hair on or do something fantastic to my dick. Sometimes they’re creams. Sometimes they’re pills. Sometimes they’re some new secret technique. There must be something to this because the advertisers wouldn’t keep pushing products that no one ever buys or someone tries and then tells everyone that they don’t work, right?

So would you tell your friends and relatives “Hey, I tried this new magic penis growing thing for a month and it didn’t work”? You keep getting these ads because there are suckers born every minute. The suckers are more likely to be guys who buy these things than guys willing to spend money on placing ads for a products no one is buying. No, they do not work. None of them. My suggestion is to get a better spam filter and not to buy any Florida real estate.

* Guys don’t talk about their jacking off to other guys once you’ve not a teenager anymore, but one of my guy friends mentioned that he was into edging. I didn’t want to ask him more about it so I’ll ask you. Do you know what that is? Is that a common guy thing to do?

I don’t think it’s all that common except with men into Tantra practices or those who were lucky enough to stumble upon it. It means stimulating yourself until you’re close to coming and then backing off, repeatedly. You’re riding the edge of arousal, so to speak. When you do finally allow yourself to let go, the resulting orgasm is much more powerful, unless it sort of aborts. That can happen too. That’s the chance you take. This speed up/slow down technique of masturbating is one most sex therapists recommend to learn better control of ejaculatory timing for those who think they come too fast. So it’s a worthwhile technique with which to experiment. You’re not only likely to get better orgasms but become a better lover as well. Worth a try, don’t you think?

* I have been with my man for 13 years. Things are getting kind of old. What can we do to spruce up our sex life?

I don’t know what to suggest that would be new for you since I don’t know what’s already old. If you always have sex in one position trying even one occasional new variation can make a world of difference. If you’ve done everything including the neighbors you’ll have to be a bit more creative. The easiest thing is to begin by making one small change such as where you usually have sex (try the living room instead of the bedroom), when (afternoon instead of night time), how (changing the routine of this activity first, then that one) and with whom. The latter is usually not on the table for monogamous couples but everything else is doable for most. For more ideas rent or buy any sex education tape or book and each of you note which activities you’d like to try. Next time you win a bet or a hand of bridge claim your prize by asking for that particular item to be on the menu.

* What is frottage?

If you’re on a crowded bus and some creep presses his hard-on onto some part of your body and rubs, that’s it. It’s kind of like the definition of obscenity – you can’t define it but you know it when you see it. One knows frottage if you have ever experienced it.