Ask Isadora: Boys and Their Toys

  Boys and Their Toys

* Do men use vibrators or, if they don’t, are there sex toys made just for men?

If there’s money to be made do you think any clever inventor or marketer would overlook the opportunity? Most pornography, print or film, is made for men with a special niche market of gay male porn.  As for toys, men use vibrators in creative ways as well as a number of female substitutes like artificial parts and blow-up dolls. You have only to visit a sex shop online or in person to see how much ingenuity goes into making men sexually happy.

* One of the reasons I married my wife was her passionate nature.  She cared about so many things with all her heart, me included.  I’m now thinking of leaving the marriage because of her jealous rages and frequent screaming rants.  Do you think a person can change if they want to?

Yes and no.  First let me point out that rages and rants are frequently part of a passionate nature, the very same nature that attracted you originally.  She may have fallen in love with your calm, steady manner and now dislike your boring lack of emotion.  Again, the other side of the same coin. Each of you has to make some specific requests about behaviors you would like changed, not essential natures.  Be specific.  What ways of hers do you want to see altered and in what ways are you willing to make some accommodations for the sake of getting along better?  A marriage counselor is often very helpful in such negotiations or in assisting you to see if maybe ending this marriage might not be for the best.

*I have a friend who is seeing a guy who takes a shower immediately after they have sex. She basically tells him he’s a freak and that sex is not dirty. Now I’m wondering if I’m a freak because I like to clean up afterward. I don’t need to take a shower, but I don’t like to lie around all sticky, either. My husband can clean up or not, depending on how tired he is. I don’t think I’ll change depending on your answers, but I’m kind of curious .

This is just a difference in personal preference, not a major battle ground unless someone like your name-calling friend insists on making it so.  Those who hate after-sex smells or  skin sensations can keep wet wipes near the bed if immediate leaping toward the bathroom is offensive to his or her partner, or one can suggest that both head for the shower together. Such accommodations to the preferences of the other is the basis of a good relationship.

* After being separated four years I’ve finally met a man that I care a lot about. Recently, he has been spending the night a couple of times a week, but my 10 year old twin boys have woken up for various reasons in the middle of the night and have wanted to come and cuddle in my  bed. Do I only let my boyfriend stay over when the boys are at their Dad’s or hire a sitter and go to ‘his place’ for a few hours; or, try to create some middle ground  like if the bedroom door is locked, they have to wait?

I think your boys are old enough to problem solve this with you.  Get their input and try to accede to their wishes, except, of course, if they want you to lose the guy altogether.