* I would like to be a better lover. Can you provide some tips on oral techniques please?

Unless you are actively bisexual you are likely to be interested in oral sex only on women or only on men. You don’t say which. Oral sex techniques for women or for men are a wide enough topic that it has engendered books and videos galore for each, so I’m somewhat at a loss in a short column. In general, know that genitals are delicate areas that usually respond to warmth, wetness, and loving caresses of the lips and tongue. The sensitive areas include far more than the visible clitoral nubbin or penis head, so be sure to include the whole area in your attentions. In fact, while we’re talking of making love with your mouth, be sure to include other often neglected sensitive areas of the body, male’s or female’s – neck, ears, nipples, inner arms, inner thighs. Be creative – hum, kiss, lick, suck, gently nibble. If you pay attention (always the mark or a good lover) you ought to be able to tell by your partner’s responses whether you’re doing something to his or her delight.

* I am in a long distance relationship. For several reasons I won’t go into, my girlfriend usually comes over to my house when we get together. Then she has almost an hour’s drive back to her place. I have asked her to phone me as soon as she gets home so I know that she arrived safely. Sometimes she forgets so I have taken to calling her about an hour after she leaves my place. The last several times she hasn’t answered when I call and I stayed up most of the night worrying and calling her again and again. When I finally talked to her the next day and complained she got angry and said I was being controlling and checking up on her. Is there something wrong with my wanting to know she’s safe and not lying by the side of the road somewhere in a car wreck? This is our first big argument and I don’t see a compromise. Either I check up on her and she feels controlled or I don’t, and I worry. Who’s right here?

There isn’t a right person here nor one right way to resolve this. Here comes the first big test of your relationship which is negotiating something that will work for both of you. Maybe she could stay over at your place or you go to hers occasionally. Maybe she could phone you on the way home or you could resolve to quit worrying. Whatever you both agree to can be later renegotiated if it turns out not to work for one of you. The point is both of you need to acknowledge the others feelings and come up with a proposal that takes them into account. If you can’t do it, that tells you something quite important about the future of this relationship.

*What can you tell me about nude beach etiquette? I will be going for the first time this month and I’m sure there are etiquette guidelines.

First, be sure to use sun screen everywhere. Sun burn on your tender bits are really painful. Second, don’t stare. (Aren’t dark glasses great?) Lastly, if you’re a man and you get an erection discretely cover yourself with a towel until it passes. If you’re a man and you don’t get an erection, that’s also normal. Men seem to worry in equal numbers either that they will or that they won’t. Enjoy yourself.