* My new guy says at our age (40+) we don’t have to worry about birth control or as white, middleclass professionals we don’t need to concern ourselves with AIDS. Therefor there is no need of condoms. What do you say?

I say, don’t invest your money with this guy or allow him any access to unprotected orifices of yours. This is a line of bullshit. HIV is no respecter of age, class or color. A celibate nun could have gotten it from a contaminated blood transfusion. In any case, there are many other nasties out there to which you don’t want to be exposed like HPV, syphilis, herpes. And, not least, you’re the one to know if birth control is still an issue, not him. If you have had a menstrual period within the last year and have not had a hysterectomy, you still could get pregnant. For some women that’s on into their fifties. Very few people love using condoms but if they love intercourse of other than the verbal kind, they are a fact of life.

*Why would a guy get depressed following great sex and only feel better after a fast getaway? I am male, 33, and wonder why the majority of times after sex with a chick I feel depressed. It could be the greatest sex ever, but afterwards I’m depressed and can’t wait to get away from her. Any insights?

One reason is physical, one psychological. After sex the body chemicals that allowed for all the excitement and drama shut down. Show’s over; sleep time. Some are hungry as well so then it’s snack time and then sleep time. This isn’t really depression, but just a drop from previous excitement. I grant you, it may feel like melancholy. Not only to you but to many others. Post coital tristesse (after sex sadness) is an age-old complaint, more typical of women than men, it’s said. The need to get away is your reaction to an overdose of intimacy, a need to restore psychological balance, whatever that is for you – not too close, not too far. If you simply know yourself and your body, that after sex you tend to want to be alone or to go to sleep or to raid the refrigerator or whatever, you can prepare yourself and your partner for what is usual and it won’t come as a rude shock. Communication is all – first with oneself, then with others.

* Why are some people open and daring when it comes to sex, willing to try anything or anyone? Other people, mostly female people, seem to want to stick to a narrow range of comfortable activities and that’s it.

That dynamic duo nature and nurture once more. We live in the society into which we were born and it dictates what’s nice and what’s normal. Any behaviors outside of those carry with them all sorts of risks and penalties. Some people (not only male people!) are risk takers and shit disturbers by nature and will not abide by what “they” say is nice and normal. Those people follow their own dictates, their inborn craving for variety and excitement, and are willing to defy others’ rules. Some are then shot down and become followers of the tried and true path. Other sheep may discover at some point in life that they wou1d rather be black sheep than white and go for the gusto. When does Nature trump Nurture, of the other way around, is open for discussion.