* Last week I found a collection of magazine pages of transsexuals and hermaphrodites in sexual acts with other males. It was in my husband’s desk, just lying on top where our son could have easily found them. This is not just a morbid curiosity. He has admitted being sexually aroused by them. I have accepted, although don’t understand, that he gets aroused by cross-dressing but this crosses the line. I feel sick inside and question what it is that he sees in me. We have a great life together and I need to know how to move past this. I am deeply hurt and disturbed and feel somehow violated. Please, please point me in the right direction. He is my best friend and I have no one that I would trust enough to talk to about this.

The person to discuss this with is your best friend. It‘s almost impossible for anyone to explain why he likes what he likes, but at least he may be able to reassure you that his fantasies are no threat to your marriage. You may also be able to reassure him that you love him and that he has to be more discreet about his private matters. If this still causes you anguish, I urge you to see a sex therapist who may be able to put this interest in perspective for both of you.

* I am a 38 year old man who, while technically not a virgin, I might as well be. I am socially awkward and never been able to connect well with people, women or men. I had one unsatisfactory interaction with a prostitute in my early 20’s and that#‘s it. I have very few friends of either sex and fear if I don‘t do something different soon I will be isolated for the rest of my life. Where do I start?

My choice would be in a therapy group. That way you would be gaining some help with your issues and getting some good practice as well. You are not alone in this and good for you for wanting to make changes. Interview a few therapists on the phone. Ask each if she or he has experience with social phobias and if they run social skills therapy groups. Then go. Resolve to stay a few sessions until you find one in which you can feel relatively comfortable. There‘s no way out of this situation except through it. You will at least have some foxhole buddies in your struggle if you work within a group.

* Is there really such a big difference between the amount of sex a woman wants and the amount of sex a man wants. Do most men feel hungry and most women feel pressured the way most things I read suggest?

The differences are far more individual than sex linked. Just as most men are taller than most women, with obvious differences among individuals, so generally do men have higher libidos than women. But age and circumstance will affect this as much as individual make-up.

* How do I choose a condom? I am new at this and don‘t want to be embarrassed by having it fall off or something.

Since they come in many lengths and widths buy a sample pack or several individual ones and, in the privacy of your own home, as they say, try them on and see which feels most comfortable…or least uncomfortable. Put one on when you are fully erect. Smooth it over your whole penis leaving a little bit of extra room at the end for your later contribution. This private practice at home is well worth the investment in a half a dozen condoms.