A Naughty Weekend With Your Very Own Wife

STRATEGIES FOR A NAUGHTY WEEKEND WITH YOUR VERY OWN WIFE by Isadora Alman

1. Yes, you may want the weekend to be a surprise but you will have to make sure her calendar is clear. If you’ve made reservations at the Hump & Thump Bed & Breakfast for the same weekend as her best friend’s birthday party, you are not off to a good start. You don’t need to tell her why she must reserve these dates, only that she should and you’ll take care of the rest.

2. “The rest” is arranging child care, pet care, reservations, transportation, whatever is needed to free her from workaday duties and just have fun. Among everything else, this may be the most romantic things you can do for her.

3. Rather than return to someplace from your shared past do something new – a small town with an historic inn, a balloon ride, a clothing optional retreat, an off-Broadway show. Novelty itself is often enough to get juices flowing.

4. Remember your Boy Scout training and be prepared. Be sure that the sleeping accommodations wherever you choose are private so you can make all the noise you want. Ask for extra pillows and/or towels. Bring along a candle or her favorite music on tape, lubricants, massage oil.

5. “Communication is the best lubrication” Be attentive out of bed. Ask her about her thoughts and feelings, share your dreams or your memories. Play grown-up Show and Tell with assistants like The Book of Questions on Love & Sex by Dr. Gregory Stockton (Workman Publishing)

6. Alcohol is not necessary in order to have a good time. While a split of champagne is traditionally synonymous with romance, two chocolate Yoo Hoos or a quart of farm fresh apple cider might be more your style, or hers. Don’t forget food – Brie and crackers, chocolate truffles, grapes. Any finger food you can feed each other (and doesn’t do dreadful things to your breath) adds to the fun and games.

7. Don’t forget the sexy underthings….but you be the one to wear them. No, not her teddys or bustiers, but new silk boxers, a bright thong, a velvet smoking jacket, might tickle her fancy.

8. Pay a good deal of nonsexual attention to her body. Get into a tub together and soap her back. Brush her hair. Give her a massage. Paint her toenails. Apes do this sort of intimate grooming for each other all the time. Too bad for us who “evolved”.

9. When sex loses its sparkle there are only so many things that can be changed – the partner, the positions, or the place and time. If you are a Saturday morning snuggler you might substitute (or add!) a mid-afternoon before a nap cuddle, or a bracing morning shower and then a terrific tumble in the sheets. Bring along a sexual video or book and pick positions by random.

10. Insist that she be a “pleasure sponge”, simply lying there and soaking up all the lascivious niceties you are about to do to her body. No reciprocation wanted or even allowed….this time.

11. Wrap up the weekend in a ribbon of love. Let her know why you’re glad to be together explicitly, in words. “Some of the things I love about you are…..” While you’ll undoubtedly get dividends for weeks to come, for maximum benefits periodic get-a-way episodes are definitely advised.