*I have a male friend at work that I’m pretty sure is gay. He has a “girlfriend” of ten years, that no one has ever met or even seen a picture of and he is extremely effeminate. I wish he would come clean instead of lying. I understand everyone has a right to privacy, but it’s hard to be his friend, when I know so little about his life. Is there a polite way to get him to be honest about whom he is dating?

I remember inviting a colleague to lunch back in the early 80’s when times were much different and telling him essentially what you have written me: “I like you. I would like to be friends but I feel you are very guarded with me. I’m guessing you’re gay. It’s fine with me if you are. Am I right?” He was astonished and he was gay and out came the story. I can’t say we were best friends after that, but what working relationship we had seemed much more honest. If you are going to invite him out the the closet there has to be a reason for him to disclose other than to satisfy your curiosity. Can you honestly offer him friendship? If so, give it a try. Of course, you must be prepared to be wrong or for him to deny it and lock you out (or himself in) all the more.

* My girlfriend says she want to cool things down. It feels like she’s breaking up with me but not saying it outright. What can I do?

Sadly. One can’t carry on a relationship by oneself, no matter how good and loving a boyfriend you have been. One can only hope she’ll take her break, miss you, and want to renegotiate a relationship that will work for both of you.

* My new boyfriend has beautiful silky blond hair. It was what first attracted me. But his pubic hair is like a Brillo pad…and brown. Does that mean he dyes his hair or straightens it or what?

Maybe he perms his pubic hair? Actually, there is often a difference in the color of head hair vs. body hair. Look at beards where you can often see major variations in color from chin to scalp or chest. Facial, chest, underarm and pubic hair can all vary in color and texture. If the texture of his bush is bothersome, suggest you use some creme rinse conditioner or apply it yourself to him when you shower together.

* My wife found out that I cheated on her over the holidays, one of those silly office party indiscretions. What can I say or do to earn back her trust?

Don’t expect it to “blow over” on your schedule. She may be hurt and angry and sad for some time. Woo her like you did when you first met. Let her know how loved and appreciated she is and how sorry you are for the hurt you caused.. You can try saying “I can’t tell you how sorry I am that I hurt you. Nothing is worth the pain I caused you. What can I do so that you will trust me again?” And as for what you can do, listen to what she has to say, do it, have patience, and be on your best behavior in the future. By the way, if alcohol played a part in your mis-step, take a look at your drinking and perhaps consider going on the wagon.