* I have just begun dating a man. We are both coming out of 20 year relationships. We’ve been on five dates and I’ve slept over twice. He has invited me to spend Sunday with him and to spend the night as well. He also told me is seeing or meeting (but not “dating”) other women. He is not ready to make a commitment and doesn’t want to mislead me. Now I’m having second thoughts about continuing. What do you think?

I think it’s entirely up to you. Since you yourself describe yourself as “just beginning to date” him I think it’s far too soon to require sexual or dating exclusivity. On the other hand, if it bothers you to be having sex with someone with whom you’re not in an exclusive bond, then you may want to quit having sex with him until you are. You’re free to see other possibilities too, you know. I think he deserves kudos for making the situation clear and leaving it up to you.

* My husband is a good man, a good father and a good provider. Since we’re married he has gained a great deal of weight and, sad to say, I’m just not physically attracted to him at this size. What can I do?

Suffer in silence, speak up, or hope things will change on their own. I mean, really, don’t you think he’s noticed the changes too?. Given our society’s fat phobia, I’d bet he’s not too happy with the situation either. So you can hope he brings it up and then leap in with your support for getting back in better shape, or you can bring it up yourself. You can couch your desire for his weight loss as a health issue, and/or you can add the brutal truth. What do you think is most likely to motivate him to make the desired changes?

* I was seeing a woman for a year and we got along great. We didn’t formally discuss marriage, but I think we both knew we would eventually head in that direction. We’re both single parents and it seemed the natural solution that we would blend our families. Last week she said that although she loves me she thinks we ought to break up because we don’t have the same goals for the future. I thought we did. I don’t know what to do to convince her we ought to be together. How can I get us back on track?

You mean “how can I get her to want what I want?” If I knew how to do that I would be a relationship counselor extraordinaire! She may have suddenly gotten cold feet or she may not want marriage in the future and correctly guessed that you do. The best you can do is maybe convince her to share with you her notion of an ideal relationship. Presumably, since she says she loves you, it’s with you, but maybe it isn’t. Maybe she wants something more or something else in a partner. Maybe she prefers life without a partner and a family unit of her and her children alone. I can only guess. Unless she’s willing to tell you her feelings and thoughts on the matter you’re going to be stuck wondering. Unfortunately, for those of us who have ever loved and been left, it only takes one person to break off a relationship. While it would be some comfort to understand, those who just up and depart often don’t themselves know the reasons. If they do, and they’re not willing to share them with us, well, there we jolly well are – alone and left wondering….and hurting.