*The first month of our relationship was a blur. He made the first moves and I just followed because it all felt soo natural. We agreed to move in together and after that both of us started freaking out. I started analyzing everything he did and didn’t do. In return, he saw a different side of me that scared him. He now wants a break to figure some things out and he feels kinda anti- commitment, although he told me he still loves me and doesn’t want to lose me. I’m so confused. I feel like I’m just being put on hold while he makes his decision to dump me. We’ve only been dating for 7 weeks. The last two have been horrible because of our bickering. He told me that he wasn’t ready to move in. Then 3 days later is when he said he needed this break. Are we doomed for failure? We have so much in common and when we are not bickering or stressing out about our relationship we get along really great!! I don’t dare mention anything more about our relationship for fear that will push him over the edge.
What do you want? Put aside following because it felt so natural. If you are now in the same house, and he wants to move out if you can afford to maintain the place alone, do. If not, get a temporary roommate. Something this important should not be decided by economics, although one can’t ignore economic realities. While he is on his own, taking a break, begin the relationship anew. Talk to one another. Learn what each of you wants and expects. If possible, see a couples counselor to help you forge a relationship agreement. You’re not doomed to failure but you sure got a rocky start. Take your time and do your homework. Be sure before recommitting to one another.
*When do you, as a sex therapist, consider a person a sex addict? What advice do you give a sex addict? Is sex addiction biological or environmental?
Sex addict is not a term I like or use or ever hang on someone as a diagnosis. I talk about compulsive behavior. If a person’s sexual behavior of any kind (masturbation, pornography use, adding belt notches) causes him or her more grief than pleasure, or if the person feels out of control with whatever he or she is doing, I teach ways to deal with such urges and compulsions. The tendency to overindulge in anything (food, drugs, sex, chocolate) is influenced by both biological and environmental factors.
* What are the pros and cons of douching?
Unless a woman is just coming off her menstrual period or a vaginal infection and is expecting oral sex I can’t think of any other pros, especially when it comes to scented commercial cleansers and not just plain old warm water. Does one really want one’s most intimate parts to smell like a forest or a garden? Must lovers of women certainly don’t. A rinse with a hand held shower spray, or even just a wash cloth with soap and water are all most women require to feel and actually be fresh. With the American cultural imperative for everything to smell like anything except clean human body (mouthwash, underarm deodorant, douches, jock spray, and even scented toilet tissue) I can not understand why bidets are not more popular in the U.S. For those who have never used one they are ubiquitous in Europe – looking like a backwards toilet, one adjusts the temperature and pressure of a water fountain-like spigot, straddles it, and allows the water to wash whatever parts require refreshing – front or back, male or female. I recommend them highly.