* Can sexual chemistry be conjured/created or do you just have it with some people and not with others?

Lots of possibilities here. Surely you’ve heard about arranged marriages that became passionate. Was that determined solely by expectations? What about friends who suddenly become lovers? Was there always an undercurrent of sexual attraction simmering away during the friendship or did it just spontaneously ignite? Many will tell you about experiencing instant sexual attraction or chemistry, but just as many will tell you about feeling it grow or become strong enough to recognize over a period of dating or friendship. So the answer to your question will depend, not only on the individual, but on his or her definition of friendship and sexual chemistry.

*My wife and I (both 39 years old) have been happily married for 17 years and our sex life is good. There are times during intercourse when my wife says she has this intense feeling she is going to have a bowel movement. The feeling is so strong that she usually brings her legs together for fear it will happen. This feeling does not occur every time we have sex and she has never actually had a BM, but she is worried that it could happen. So what/why does this feeling occur and is it possible for her to have a BM during sex?

Yes, it’s possible. However if she empties her bowels before sex she can stop worrying about that possibility. If she has never experienced an ejaculation of her own that could be the uncomfortable sensation she’s feeling and defining as a defecation urge. Same solution: empty the bladder and bowels before sex, lay down a towel, and when the urge is felt just push out and see what happens. The surprise could be pleasant one.

* Why can’t some people control their libido while others can?

Some have stronger libidos than others. Some have stronger inhibitions than others. Some learn better methods of control.

* I was the one who suggested visiting a swing club. My husband had his doubts but he agreed to go with me and another couple who are friends of ours. I was invited to play by a stranger. I looked at my husband and when he nodded, I went with the guy. I was enjoying the proceedings when I looked up and saw my husband standing in the doorway watching us and playing with himself. I just went cold and asked my partner to stop. I wrapped a towel around me and left the room. When my husband found me I was dressed to go home. We made our excuses to the couple we came with and left. I know we ought to talk about what happened but I don’t know what to say to my husband or to our friends.

Your husband comes first. Tell him what happened, how you felt. That’s all you can do. If you don’t understand it, then you don’t. Perhaps you will in time. But it’s unfair to leave your husband wondering if he did anything wrong. You can tell your friends the same or just say you suddenly felt unwell. There are a whole cauldron of emotions that can be unleashed when a couple swings. Sounds like you were – and still are – unprepared for your own. Until you have processed what happened, with yourself and with your husband, until you understand yourself and what motivated you to want to do it in the first place, I think it’s best to put the idea of swinging on hold.