Peekaboo

*I’m a girl and you’re a girl but I can’t ask a guy and expect to get an honest answer.  I’m hoping, since you get to hear   all these secrets you’ll know.  When guys are in a locker room together, do they sneak a peek at each other?

I am a heterosexual female and I assure you that when I am in the women’s locker room at my health club I look at other  women’s bodies, all the parts, though none in particular. It would be very unnatural not to.  I’m sure most guys do, but guys have to be really careful not to be caught looking.  My understanding is that even in public urinals where guys are standing in a row with their dicks in their hands, protocol dictates custody of one’s eyes, sort of like elevator etiquette but stricter. At clothing optional resorts everybody looks at everything there is to see, but I have never caught anyone staring at anyone else’s “private parts”.  People simply take in the whole person.

* I am what you call “gender confused”, I guess.  I am a 24 year old butch lesbian who is considering whether or not I might be a transsexual. How can I find out for sure?

Fortunately, women can wear men’s clothes from top to toe and not get odd looks.  Thank Annie Hall.  Where you fit in the scheme of things is more complicated than wearing a label…or a jock.  Ask around for a good sex therapist who deals in gender issues and he or she will lead you through a thorough exploration- psychological, medical, and social.    Gender is becoming a very broad gray area for some people so you need not make a permanent choice until you are quite sure.<

* Do you believe in this pheromone thing?  I’ve seen ads for perfumes that are supposed to guarantee attracting the sex of your choice?

I’d be leery of anything that “guarantees” attraction of anyone to anyone.  Pheromones exist and the study of them is fascinating, but they are not bottleable as yet, unless you dab –tiger-in-rut- urine behind your ears.  That would be a natural pheromone, but only to other tigers. I doubt if it would do a thing for another species.

* I’m a single woman who is okay with being single most of the time.  Yes, I would like a special someone in my life but my life is full and happy in the meantime.  That is, it usually is.  All the hype around Valentine’s Day always depresses me. It’s like we’re being told there is something wrong with us if there isn’t someone to buy us candy or flowers in the middle of February.  How does one fight this insidious promotion of commercial coupling?

The same way you cope with all commercial hype that constantly sends the message that you are not good enough and buying what we’re selling might help you get there.  You know: you’re not thin enough, you’re teeth not white enough, your job not important enough, etc.  That’s the nature of advertising – to create dissatisfaction and then lead you to what will cure what ails you, even when you weren’t aware you were ailing. If Valentine’s advertising is a particular buzz kill for you, take precautions and plan something special this time of year, perhaps a party for all your single friends to remind you what a great bunch you all are.  Perhaps you can buy each other flowers or sit around with some yummy food  and read aloud from a book of Dorothy Parker poems.