* I was dating an amazing girl about a month ago but now she’s moved far away for six months. Not that I know her well enough to “wait for her”, but it presents an opportunity to stop the dating thing for a while and work on my own projects. When she comes back, who knows, we might date again. She’d like to. Right now I have better things to do than think about how much I’d like to have sex with someone 3000 miles away, but I’m 24 and my hormones are driving me nuts. What does a guy do to about sexual urges without going nuts?
There are time-honored methods used in religious institutions, prisons, boarding schools, etc. where sexual activity is prohibited or severely restricted. These include exhausting yourself with physical labor (You know about those long enforced marches or moving piles of rocks from one side of the field to another?), athletics, cold showers, and intellectual distractions. Having no sexual outlets will not kill you. Your body takes care of excess sexual energy with wet dreams. If you have no religious prohibitions, taking matters into your own hands on a regular basis will allow you to put partner sex on the back burner and focus on other matters.
* I recently started dating a man, and he is perfect for me. I have been in relationships before but have never felt comfortable enough or attracted enough to have a physical relationship that went past making out. I feel like I am ready to further my relationship with my new boyfriend of about two weeks by giving him a handjob. He is as inexperienced as I am, but has mentioned that he would not mind having me pleasure him. I’m planning on doing it on our one month anniversary, but I am worried that he will think I’m easy if I do it that quickly! I am also nervous that I won’t be able to do it at all– that body part is completely foreign to me. I also don’t want him to think this means we’ll be having sex because I’m really not ready for that. Do you have any advice?
If you don’t know him well enough by a month to guess at how he would view a hand job by you, then don’t do it. It is an intimacy that goes along with emotional intimacy. Since you two have already discussed the possibility, that’s a good start. Why not express your fears about his judgments? (Not that he’s likely to actually say “If you give me a hand job I will think less of you.”) Ask him to show you how he’d like to be touched. Since he may never have experienced another’s hand, that will be new to him too. Take the opportunity to look as well as touch. Ask questions. Teaching and learning together is an intimate bond too.
* There was a person you replied to in a recent column that was looking for a legitimate massage. My wife used to work on the legit side of the business so I’ve got a few points on finding a legitimate one that you missed: 1) Look for the word “therapeutic” in their name or sign. 2) Places open way late are likely to be not legitimate unless they are part of a larger operation with similar hours. (Our casinos are 24/7 operations–they often have spas with massage services and some of them are also 24/7.) While letters after their name are a pretty good indication of a legit one they are by no means required. I do agree that pictures of people doing the massages are a bad sign. I’ll go so far as to say that any place with such a picture is not legit.