There is an inside joke famous with psychotherapists called “Effective 3 Second Therapy”. When a client complains of wanting to stop biting his nails or watching pornography or is struggling with any other unwanted behavior the therapist says s/he will now apply Effective 3 Second Therapy by looking the client directly in the eyes and … Continue reading Fighting With Your Partner
Taking joy in your partner’s pleasure sounds like exactly what a good lover does. However, it is actually the definition of a word that might be new to you – compersion. An online source defines compersion as sort of like the feeling one might feel for a best friend happy in a romantic relationship. There … Continue reading Jealousy and Its Opposite
Whatever happened to the dictum “Never put anything in writing that you would not want others to see?” As a therapist specializing in intimate relationships I cannot tell you how many cases of people being tripped up by their various messaging modalities I have seen in the past year. Someone used the wrong words and was … Continue reading Intimate Relationships and Electronic Devices
If you are in a committed relationship is it how you thought it would be? Is the person with whom you are now coupled who you expected when you first fell in love and decided to be a couple? Very few of us are unsurprised by how it turns out once we are fully involved, … Continue reading Is Living Together What You Expected?
A questions I am asked frequently is “How can I tell for sure if my partner is cheating?” My internal response is often “Why do you feel you need to know?” I might or might not ask that directly but the answer is not all that obvious and is very pertinent. To me, the fact … Continue reading Is My Partner Cheating and Should I Care?
My friend and colleague Dr. Tina Tessina wrote a very practical book on what couples commonly fight about entitled Money, Sex & Kids (Adams Press, 2008). I can verify from my own practice of more than 30 years that these topics are certainly frequent major issues for the couples I see in counseling. There is … Continue reading My Time, Your Time, Our Time
When I was 13 a schoolmate of mine killed himself. I was appalled at the waste of all that potential life ahead and vowed to be clear on what it would take for me to feel that I had made the most of my own life before I died. I decided that in order to … Continue reading What Do You Want?
The outcome of your partner’s affair may depend on the nature of your relationship – a non-committed dating arrangement or a long term monogamous marriage – and how the affair was disclosed or discovered. Did your partner confess or were you snooping into his/her privacy. Was this an ongoing romance or a onetime event? That’s … Continue reading Guidelines For Dealing With A Partner’s Affair
All the commercial hoo-hah that accompanied Valentine’s Day last month reminded me of some pernicious ideas that continue to hang around and poison far too many relationships. Let’s look at them here. The way it is in the early weeks of the romance is how it will be forever. Then the first time he sees … Continue reading Baseless Beliefs About Love
“I don’t like my wife.” That’s what the man who came to consult me had to say when I asked, as I usually do on a first meeting, “How can I help?” “Hmm” was my response to his opening comment of “I don’t like my wife .” “What would you like to do about that?” … Continue reading “I Don’t Like My Wife”