* Do you think men know right away if they are attracted to someone and it takes women longer to figure it out? It seems that way to me.

I bet if you took a survey of all your friends and acquaintances and how they connected with their last love your theory would be disproved. Some people click immediately, yes or no,. Think 10 Minute Dating. Other people slowly fall into lust, love, friendship, whatever. Think co-workers or casual friendships that eventually catch fire. I don’t see one way or the other as being deternined by gender but by individual style and by circumstances.

* There’s been a lot of publicity lately about two married couples who made a pact to have sex every day for month or a year. I forget the details. I do remember that both couples said that this improved their marriages. I suggested this to my husband and he just laughed. He said he’d try to fit it into his schedule. You’re a sex therapist. Do you ever recommend anything like this? Do you think it would work?

A couple I am seeing came up with this solution to their sense of disconnection just this week. However, they committed to every night for a week. I can’t report on them yet but I absolutely know that any two people who make a committment to do anything together on a regular basis, whether it’s bowling or balling, are already working on becoming closer and giving each other more priority. It could be a daily morning check-in, a nightly family dinner, a weekly date night, a monthly weekend away, but as long as each knows s/he will have the other’s attention and company .to look forward to in the very near future, grievances seldom get stockpiled and daily life is shared, making for a more intimate connection. Sounds like an excellent prescription for a happier couple. Your husband was not far off the mark by suggesting you be put on his schedule. It’s a beginning.

* How do you know when you go to bed with someone whether it will be a one night stand or the start of a relationship?

Some of us are willing to take our chances and hope for the best. Some expect one but wind up with the other. If it’s essential to you that you not be mistaken be sure to clarify the situation beforehand. “I hope you know that I’m leaving for my home in Peoria in the morning”’ will be different than “I’ve been waiting for you all my life.” You’ll also improve your chances of it being the opening foray of a relationship by getting to know the person for some length of time before the bedding.

* My daughter has informed me that her boyfriend from college will be visiting our home this summer. I’m fairly sure they have been sleeping together. What do I do?

There’s nothing you CAN do after the fact but you can discuss the rules of the house with your daughter before the visit. If you’re open to their sharing a room or a bed ask your daughter if that’s what she wants. If you are not, make clear that it’s not going to happen. If you think your daughter is mature enough to make her own decisions, be discrete about whatever sleeping arrangements you provide and make sure you give them some private time by having things to do outside of the house while he’s here. Saying how long you expect to be away when you do go out is a considerate touch.