* I am a 40 year old married man, a professional with a wife who is 38 and also a businesswoman. We love each other, we love sex, but we never seem to find time for it. We both agree that we would like to have more sex but we can‘t agree how. I suggested making a schedule but my wife says that‘s like being sure you brush your teeth twice a day, very humdrum and not at all sexy. What do other couples do?

Most of them bumble along wishing that there were more hours in a day or days in a weekend, and that they were having more sex. Others make time for those things they find important, like hygiene and couple bonding. Build into your busy schedules a certain time each day or each week, like the cocktail hour before dinner or every Sunday morning, when you give one another full priority. During that time you discuss what#‘s going on in each other’s lives, maybe take a walk, cuddle, and/or have sex. If you know you will have time and privacy every X hours or days, you know that you can be sexual then, not that you must be. Many couples find it helpful to schedule an overnight away every X weeks, even if it’s in a motel in your own town. Vacation sex, that which happens outside of the daily routine, is usually hotter and worth the extra expense. If you can’t afford a hotel, trade houses for a night with another professional couple who is searching for a solution to the same problem. Be creative and make this reliable couple time a priority in your life. The dividends are really worth it.

* My new girlfriend has a funny looking “kitty”. Her inner lips stick out from her outer ones. Since she shaves down there, it‘s even more noticeable. Is this like a birth defect?

I have to confess I hesitated to print this letter, not because of the cutesy term kitty for what is commonly called a pussy (a word I find vulgar), but because you are going to awaken the fears of hundreds of young female readers whose vulva don’t look like they think they ought to look. I would bet that your new girlfriend‘s face doesn‘’t resemble the faces of magazine cover models either. There is a commercial norm of beauty, even in vulvas, that is used as the gold standard. Vulva, like faces, come in all configurations, some of which are more pleasing to some than others. The variation your girlfriend sports is highly desirable to many who find it extremely sexy. In any case, one has what one has…unless one wants to visit a Hollywood plastic surgeon who specializes in designer vulva. Yes, people spend money on this, I swear.

* I am a heterosexual woman, married and happy. I am not homophobic, just never been inclined that way …until recently. I still don‘t want to have sex with a woman, but I have developed a fascination with a neighbor. I am aware of her comings and goings, what she wears, her voice when she calls out to her children. I guess I am just super aware of her and everything about her. I don‘t know how to make sense of this to myself.

She may intrigue you because you admire her, because she reminds you of someone, or because you have a crush. Those happen to post adolescents too. Unless this fascination becomes an obsession, simply enjoy it. it will eventually pass.