*My boyfriend and I occasionally incorporate SM play. I enjoy it and he enjoys it very much. I trust him and genuinely want to please him and yet the other day I became very upset. Will I just have to cut out something that gives us both pleasure? What can I do?

I’d have to know more than this to make any helpful suggestions. Talk about it together. What was different? If you can’t figure out exactly what the distressing trigger was, next time you play take it slowly. Make sure you have a safe word for slow down as well as stop so you can feel safe enough to try again.

* A friend and I took a ride out into the countryside. By accident we came across two horses in a field mating and we stopped to watch. Seeing the one horse mount the other, the noises and the power of it all, left me weak in the knees. I was so sexually aroused I could hardly stand it. I did not discuss my reaction with my friend because I was afraid she would think me strange. Am I some sort of a weirdo?

Perfectly normal. People frequently use animalistic terms for raw sex – a man is a stallion, she was in a mood for rutting, etc. Watching sex IS sexy.

* I am a 55 year old circumcised male. In the past year I have noticed traces of smegma behind the head of my penis. I notice this when I urinate at bedtime. It first began as small flecks but it seems to be increasing. I take a daily shower and carefully wash my penis every time. Does this suggest that my body “remembers” its biological role in creating smegma, despite my lack of foreskin since birth?

To me it suggests that something else is going on with your penis, perhaps a yeast overgrowth, blocked sebaceous gland, or something similar. If paying scrupulous attention to your hygiene doesn’t make a difference, I’d strongly suggest having your doctor look at it.

. * Recently you answered a letter from a sexually active woman who won’t give oral sex and got a hard time about it. I’m one of those men who will not just honor her and any woman’s request and not make an issue of it but also I will perform oral sex on a willing desirable woman who enjoys it till next week and I’ve curled her toes. I’m not being arrogant about my oral skills but curling a women’s toes is my goal. I so love it and work hard at it and my partners giving me their approval. Also agree with you nobody should do or be expected to do anything they don’t want to or enjoy doing, ever. I ‘m not asking you to be a dating service or anything but if she is near me and you have way to contact her I’m very open minded and willing to talk to her anytime. I don’t mind you passing this email on to her with my email address. Keep up the great work and I will continue to read your fine columns with advice always.

I print this letter to let the writer and all interested parties know that (1) I can not match up readers for many reasons and (2) there are men out in the world who not only do not require oral sex but enjoy giving it as its own reward.