* I am 37 and I’m in the process of getting a divorce. I haven’t had sex for several years. Understandably, I am very eager to start dating. When is it okay?

It’s okay with me if you start yesterday, but that’s not really the point. When would it feel okay for you and are you sure you can distinguish between a date and an opportunity to get laid in a hurry? Assuming going out with others will not jeopardize your divorce (check with your lawyer), you’re probably not thinking so clearly right now. Be careful you don’t make any decisions you will live to regret. Make sure any casual sex partners are ones who are aware of your situation and be sure to use safe sex before you go out into the wide world to make up for lost time.

* Summer is coming and I expect to go new places and try new things. (Yea! School’s out!) Can you tell me what happens at a nude beach?

Well, they differ, as do people. Most have rules against sexual displays, but folks being folks, and sun and nakedness and relaxation and stuff… if such things offend you I wouldn’t look too closely behind the dunes. People of all ages and sizes go to nude beaches, even families. Sitting around clothed with binoculars gawking at the nakeds is frowned on. Erections are rare, contrary to most men’s fears. Carry a towel with you for moments of discomfort, whatever your sex, and enjoy yourself. Make sure to put sunscreen on the areas that usually do not bask in the sunlight. Sunburned buttocks, nipples, or scrota, are just no fun for their owners. It can be amusing for your nearest and dearest, though, when they are red enough to glow in the dark.

* I am a sexually active woman who will not give oral sex. I enjoy receiving it and wonder if I am obliged to reciprocate. I had a bad experience in my youth with being forced so I’d just rather not. Some men give me a hard time. What do I do or say to make it okay?

If some guy has his heart set on a blow job nothing you say will make it okay. If he feels that sex acts are a matter of tit for tat (um, maybe we can say “equal tradeoffs” instead) he won’t be happy about fulfilling your expectations and being denied his own. On the other hand, many men will simply honor your preferences and not make an issue of it. You don’t have to say anything, just don’t initiate it. If you are directed to that general location, use your hands or initiate something else. If asked you can simply say “I prefer not to”. Nobody has to do something s/he doesn’t enjoy when in the pursuit of pleasure, but I personally think you’re missing one of the greater good times of sex by not trying to conquer your aversion. There are many ways to minimize that which is most difficult for you; perhaps an unlubed condom, a hand wrapped around the penis base to control the depth of penetration, a man lying or sitting still and not thrusting, a patient partner willing to allow you to experiment. There is an enormous sense of power in feeling a man harden in your mouth or to have him be in such a vulnerable position. It’s also lovely to give intense pleasure to someone you want to please.