* In the movie Mama Mia! one of the prospective fathers of the bride seems to come out to himself and one of the other men for the first time in his mid 50’s or so. (The ages in this movie are so weird that the main characters can be anywhere from 40 to 65.) Is it really possible that a smart person couldn‘t figure out his or her sexual orientation until he is way into his adult life or is this a piece of movie silliness?
Although many, if not most, of us know if we prefer boys, girls, or both from a very early age, in my career as a sex therapist I have seen those whose struggle with the issue of sexual orientation is lifelong. When I saw the movie I was struck by that odd moment too, but I think we are meant to believe that Harry the ex head banger was too busy making money to look very deeply inward until meeting again the first and only woman he ever loved. The debate about nature vs. nurture as the main influence of sexual orientation is ongoing among experts, so we can expect to encounter some individuals who have trouble accepting who and what they are, inborn or acquired.
* I have been celibate for many years, partly because there wasn‘t anyone special and partly because I just seem to have lost my lusty edge. I realize that the clock is ticking and if there is ever going to be one of those connections in my life again I need to get out and meet some potential partners. I just don‘t know how to rev myself up to get started on the search. Any suggestions?
A colleague, Gina Ogden, sex therapist and author, has a book just out called The Return of Desire: A Guide to Rediscovering Your Sexual Passion. The cover blurb says it will help one “transcend guilt, shame and “good girls don‘t” messages, help heal the sexual wounds of abuse, addiction, affairs, and low self esteem, and create heart to heart communication with your partner”. I’ve known Dr. Ogden for many years and she is as enthusiastic a champion of rewarding connections as I am, with a much more spiritual perspective than you‘ll ever read in my writings. If that could be your cup of tea this book may be what you are looking for.
* I saw a porn film called “Squirting” of a woman squirting liquid during sex. It didn‘t look like she was peeing but what else could it be?
It was probably female ejaculation, supposedly new phenomenon that‘s been around as long as women have but seems to be rediscovered, like the G Spot. Honestly, women haven‘t grown anything startling or developed new capabilities in many a century. Many women, when sufficiently stimulated, usually internally, experience a feeling as if they have to pee. If they have already emptied their bladder beforehand they can rest assured that giving into that sensation, pushing out instead of clenching those PC muscles will produce a different liquid, a combination of chemicals that resembles male prostate fluids. Some women do this naturally as they mature. Many more women seem to develop this #”trick” after childbirth or in later years. In any case, the more women hear about this capability in others the more women will discover that they have this capability as well. It‘s sort of like being able to wiggle one‘s ears, a (private) parlor trick.